


Distill the Life (That's Inside of Me)

by mountmyoboku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 22:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30096306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountmyoboku/pseuds/mountmyoboku
Summary: “I’ll follow you into hell.”Erwin’s eyes softened and his lips hovered over Levi’s. “I’ll see you to it.”
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Distill the Life (That's Inside of Me)

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched No Regrets today but I have zero braincells and though I've been watching AOT since 2013 I have no clue what's going on so this is probably inaccurate but I cannot be bothered

They were dead. Isabel’s decapitated head fueled his dreams and Farlan’s torso his waking hours. He kept to himself, mainly, choosing to sit on the roof to sharpen his knife. 

Levi was a shell of a shell, and he couldn’t displace the blame. His mother, dead, and Kenny left him. Isabel and Farlan were gone now, too, and he hadn’t shed a tear since the day of bloody rain. He hadn’t seen _him_ , either. 

Levi had convinced himself that following Erwin was to be free, and though that had gotten him back to HQ it wasn’t helping him sleep at night. He rose at strange times, and slept in strange places unable to re-enter the bunker he shared with Farlan. _Farlan_ with his dirty blonde hair and kind eyes. He was a natural diplomat, a jovial foil to Levi’s sullen demeanor and pessimistic attitude. The person Levi would have called his best friend… 

And _Isabel_.

Levi felt himself break into a sweat at the thought of her young face and lively eyes. Eyes that were paralyzed with the hellish terrain of foggy downpour. He had passed by the titan who had sent them, and hordes of men, to their doom. Bile would have risen had his stomach not been empty and-

“There you are.”

Levi did not turn. 

“Your superiors tell me that you are no longer eating. By the looks of it, I’d say you haven’t had a bath, either.”

Erwin was at his side, arms crossed, a figure looming over him as both men surveyed the training fields. It was dusk, and only a few soldiers were out, making folly with one another. 

“If you have time to gripe about my hygiene, you should do something about that shitty glasses,” Levi sneered. Erwin smiled.

“I am afraid that we have exhausted that avenue to no avail.”

Levi glanced over at him, through his bangs. Erwin stood, unchanged and without a hair out of place, as he had been the moment they had met. Isabel, Farlan, and countless others were dead, titan fodder, but Erwin remained the same. Distant, private. Levi felt his fingernails dig into his palms from how tight he was clenching them.

“You might not want to try it. You are depleted of energy,” the captain said rather matter-of-factly. Levi grit his teeth.

“What are you doing here, _sir_.”

“On your first survey you eliminated multiple titans. You are the best bet I have ever made.” The grin on Erwin’s face was one of a madman.

“You’re crazy,” Levi muttered. “You’re a Goddamn lunatic.”

The wild look was gone in an instant, the same hardened expression Erwin always wore back upon his face. 

“You did well, Levi. Our peers at the capital would like to see you, and I am not going to deny them the pleasure.”

“The capital?”

“That is what I said,” Erwin mused, blue eyes unreadable. Levi looked away.

“I refuse.”

“I am afraid that is not possible.” Levi said nothing. “We leave next week, but until then, you will be spending every moment with me. Your etiquette is lacking and your attitude is repulsive. You skip your meals and your gaunt look makes me think that you are having trouble sleeping. This is normal, after seeing what you saw, but we must make an impression on them.”

Levi stared up at him, long and hard.

“I can’t keep anything down,” he admitted, tone not without bite. Erwin’s gaze held no sympathy. 

“Come with me.”

They exited the roof, walking down the damp stairwell, until they reached the third floor of HQ. Levi had never been on this floor, as it was restricted to superior officers, but he said nothing staring daggers into Erwin’s broad back. The corridors were long, and unrelenting, but as they approached a room at the end of the hall, Erwin pulled out a key. 

He followed the captain into the room, as blindly as he had that day. 

“Shut the door, Levi.” He did as he was told, muscles moving at the command of his host. 

They eyed each other for a moment, mistrusting on Levi’s part and cold on Erwin’s part.

“You never had any formal training, and I let you do as you pleased but this is the military. It would be seen as favoritism if I let you disregard formalities.”

“ _Formalities_. Like taking your subordinate back to your bed chambers?” 

Levi heard it before he felt it, the back of Erwin’s hand on his cheek, and it was hard. Losing his footing, he tumbled to the ground.

“You do not speak to your superior officer that way.” His voice was detached, and Levi knew he wasn’t fooling around.

“Yes.” And then, “Sir.”

“Good. You will wash up and then you will eat dinner. You will go to sleep after and we will attend meetings tomorrow.”

“... Sir.”

He led Levi to the washroom, his private washroom, and left him to his own devices. Levi glanced at himself in the mirror, his cheek red from the impact. He swallowed. _Didn’t think the bastard had it in him_.

The bathtub was filled and Levi frowned. Of course this had been pre-calculated. Nothing about Erwin wasn’t pre-calculated. Levi loosened his cravat and began to undress. He stepped into the wooden tub and lowered himself in, muscles weakened from his unintentionally intentional fasting. The water was warm which meant he wouldn’t be able to soak for long. The glass bottles that sat on the ground read something in a script he couldn’t read, but since they were out, he assumed they were fair game. His wrists were thinner, Levi noticed, and his forearms were as well. It was creepy, and skeletal, reminiscent of the time right before Kenny got to him. He scooted down further into the water, not wanting to look at his body any further. 

When the water ran cold, he stood, smelling less like himself and more foreign than ever, he dried himself and redressed, but in a flowy white tunic and flowy white pants. His bare feet on the wood floor felt terrible, but he was not left any socks and thought it’d be ridiculous to put on his tall, brown boots.

He stared at himself in the mirror, cheek not as red as it had been previously, but still ugly. He ruffled his stringy hair, fussing with it, though he knew it was not long enough to hide his brittle features.

Levi took a deep breath in, and turned the brass knob to the captain’s room.

Erwin sat at his desk, didn’t bother looking up, his hand working neatly on what Levi assumed was a letter. It was rather dark, the quarters lit by a small number of candles. Levi saw a table in the quarter, with a tray from the dining hall. Peas, potatoes and a small piece of bread sat stubbornly on the plate. A glass of wine was placed to the right. 

“Eat.”

The hairs on the back of Levi’s neck stood up and he approached the table, delicately. He pulled the chair out and sat. 

For forty minutes, he stared at the plate.

“It’s gone cold,” Erwin commented, “but you will eat every bite.”

“I _can’t_. _Sir_.”

From behind him, Levi heard the shuffling of papers and the captain’s chair scoot back. Heavy footsteps made their way towards him. 

“Levi. I will not ask you again.” The captain’s voice was stern.

“Sir,” Levi spat, “I cannot hold anything _down_.”

“Your wine.”

“I will not.” Strong fingers interlocked with his hair and yanked his head back, causing him to yelp.

“Insubordination,” Erwin mumbled, “will not be tolerated. I ordered you to eat and you will.”

The first bite was a struggle and Levi’s gag reflex which had been abused for days and days was fighting his ability to swallow, but he had managed. 

“Good boy.” Levi resisted the urge to growl, for fear that his potato would come right back up. 

Erwin was able to coax a few more bites into him, before Levi really did almost hurl. 

“That’s good enough,” he told him. “Tomorrow morning you will eat your breakfast here and we will attend some meetings. Go to sleep.”

The bed, singular, was nestled in the corner of the room. 

“Where will you sleep… sir.”

Erwin smiled, a private smile that Levi knew he could not begin to understand, before answering, “Goodnight.”

They continued on like this for a week. As Levi began to get his constitution back, he began to take his meals in the dining hall, though he did sit alone. He hadn’t returned to training, and Erwin made clear that he wouldn’t until he was back to his normal weight, but he accompanied Erwin to every meeting and every training session. They were with each other in the morning until night, though sometimes Erwin would slip away and Levi wouldn’t know where he was or what he was doing. At night, they would rehearse everything from dining etiquette to military regulations, and though Levi found it obnoxious, Erwin commanded his attention and he naturally began to follow his lead.

“Tomorrow we head to Mitras,” the captain said. Levi had just washed up while Erwin sealed his final letter for the night. 

He said nothing, knowing that nothing would come from an argument. Erwin was persistent, Levi would at least give him that much.

“You will be at my side all evening. You will be polite and courteous and answer when people call on you.”

“Sir.”

They were up bright and early as they packed into the carriage. Levi didn’t make an effort to hide the sour look on his face as Shadis stared at him with owl-like eyes. 

Erwin sat next to him, the bigger man’s thigh pressed against Levi’s. He wanted to make a remark, but held his tongue. He would’ve raised certain hell had he known he’d be stuck in a carriage with the commander for hours on end. 

Erwin and Shadis spoke of networking tactics and funding business though Shadis’ eyes never left Levi.

“We’re here,” Erwin whispered into Levi’s ear. They had arrived at some rich man’s home which seemed larger than HQ despite the amount of soldiers it housed; Levi hated himself for feeling envious. 

The party was nuts about Levi, though Levi felt he was pretty blatant in his apathy regarding the party. In just hours they’d branded him “Humanity’s Strongest Soldier” which made Levi physically ill. Erwin was quite the schmoozer, flirting with dozens of ladies and even a few gentlemen, to Levi’s surprise. The captain wasn’t ugly, which made Levi’s skin prickle. In fact, he was beautiful, like one of those sculptures that were housed in chapels. His jaw was strong and chiseled and his shoulders were broad. If Farlan was his foil in personality, Erwin was his physical opposite. 

Levi began to become hyper aware of his environment of expensive champagnes and candelabras, the loud voices and caviar. Farlan’s face was all he could see, and then Isabel, and then there was another woman’s hand on Erwin’s bicep and he was turning on his heel to find the nearest bathroom. 

There wasn’t a lock, which was just perfect, meaning he wouldn’t be able to camp out here for the rest of the party. He splashed some water on his face from the basin, and tried to recompose himself. Blood was rushing through his ears and his heart was pounding wildly. 

There was a knock at the door.

“Just a moment!” he managed, though he was losing his damn mind.

The door opened, and just as Levi was about to shout, Erwin was pushing him up against the wall.

“You left.” His voice was steady, but the accusation was clear. 

“I’m using the _bathroom_. Sir.”

“For thirty minutes?”

“I-”

“Cut the crap, Levi. You have a responsibility to humanity. You have a responsibility to _me_.” Levi felt himself get slammed into the wall, and he finally decided that this was the last straw.

“You’re a _cunt_!” He rammed his forehead as hard as he could into Erwin’s, delighted that the man’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. 

“ _LEVI_!” he shouted, as the other man shimmied from out of his grasp to try to escape. If his fight or flight hadn’t been dulled from the week of obedience, Levi was sure he’d have escaped. Erwin stuck his foot out and tripped him, Levi sliding onto the floor and into the wall near the door. As Levi scrambled to get up, Erwin tackled him to the floor like an animal, pinning him down. Levi struggled but he was still too weak, unable to get out from underneath the captain’s grasp. 

“Say it again.”

“ _CUNT_!” Levi spat, a wad of bloodied saliva landing on Erwin’s pristine cheek. “I’ll fucking _kill_ _you_!” His curses were becoming intelligible and hot tears of anger began streaming down his cheeks. 

Erwin adjusted his hold, pinning Levi’s hands above his head. He rested his tender forehead against Levi’s. He was hard in his pants.

“You’re sick,” Levi laughed, hysterical. Erwin’s thumb slid into Levi’s mouth and his other hand tightened on his wrists.

“If I’m sick, what does that make you?”

Levi had been erect from the moment the captain had put his hands on him. “You’re a fuck.”

“It’s not your fault they died.” The words rang clear as day in the porcelain bathroom of some rich man’s home. “They weren’t strong. You are strong.”

“Don’t speak as if you know them!”

“I don’t need to know them,” Erwin sneered. “You’re alive and they are not. You have what no man has but you-”

“ _I do not_ regret _it_ ,” Levi sobbed, his eyes screwed shut as he turned his head to the side.

“You are weighed by the guilt. And it isn’t your fault.”

Levi’s cries echoed off the walls. There was a knock at the door.

“Occupied!” Erwin snapped. His blue eyes locked on Levi who was limp on the floor beneath him. 

“It was not your fault and it certainly never will be. You chose to follow me and if you can’t find it in you to believe in anything else… then so be it, but you better follow me into hell because I need you to be my right hand man.” Levi’s sobs had subsided with just the occasional hiccup sounding. 

“Now… wash your face, and rejoin the party.”

They returned to HQ well after midnight and into the early hours of the next morning. If anyone noticed Erwin’s disheveled hair, or Levi’s puffy eyes, nobody said anything. Shadis was thrilled to have received the funding for the next exhibition though he did ask that Erwin meet him in his office before parting for the night. Levi was set, or conditioned, to follow him, but Erwin held up his hand. 

“Wash up, and get ready for bed.”

Levi took his time that night, finally knowing which oils were meant for what and making sure to thoroughly clean himself. He dressed in his flowy tunic, forgoing his pants, and sat on the bed waiting somewhat patiently for the captain. From the moment they met, he knew killing Erwin was not going to be an option. Levi knew it wasn’t his fault that Isabel and Farlan were no more. Levi’s guilt had been more than that. It was wrong to want the person who took their lives and his own. To want him, mind, body and soul. But even more than that, to want to protect him.

Levi saw their faces every time he shut his eyes because it was with his eyes closed that he could not escape his ugly truth. 

The knob turned and Erwin stood in the door, more worn out than before.

“Hello,” Levi said. The captain looked up, his eyes raking over him, as he shut the door behind him.

“Levi. I am going to clean up.” He walked with his shoulders, heading to the bathroom, and Levi allowed himself to relax. The captain was a conscientious lover, at least, abiding to Levi’s preference of cleanliness. 

Erwin took a moderate amount of time in the washroom, before reentering the chambers. He didn’t bother with any garments, standing fully nude before him.

“Forgive me, if I misconstrued anything,” he said, though the look on his face told Levi he didn’t think it a misunderstanding at all. Levi turned his chin and Erwin approached him. On the bed, and even on his knees, Levi was still looking up at his lover who brought a firm hand to his jaw.  Again, Erwin’s thumb slid between his lips, but this time Levi sucked him in.

Erwin placed his other hand on Levi’s lower back, pulling him in close. “You've _tormented_ me.”

Levi flashed his pewter eyes up at Erwin through his dark lashes before throwing his arms around the captain’s neck.

Erwin pushed his index and middle fingers into Levi’s mouth, coating them with saliva, before reaching those same fingers down to his bottom, and prodding at his entrance. Levi grunted, burying his face into Erwin’s warm neck. It was warm, like an embrace, making him wonder how anything about this person ever read as cold before. 

“Your cock is… _ah_ … big,” Levi slurred, feeling Erwin rubbing up against his thigh. “Oil…”

Erwin pressed a kiss to Levi’s collarbone, before pulling the sheer fabric up and off of him. He reached into his nightstand, pulling out a jar with a clear liquid. 

“Let me,” Levi nudged, taking the lubrication from Erwin. He tried not to blush as the captain watched him work in his fingers, legs splaying lazily in the air.

“You’re a pervert,” he panted, three fingers deep in his hole. Erwin didn’t pay him any mind, drooling a bit as he unabashedly watched Levi’s erect cock bounce with each thrust of his fingers.

Erwin began to palm himself, big hand wrapping around big cock. Levi drooled at the sight. 

“May I?” the captain asked. Levi slipped his fingers out, before turning onto his hands and knees. 

Erwin grabbed his legs, and turned him on his side, resting one leg on his shoulder with the other placed to the side. 

“I want to see your face.” Levi couldn’t help the flush that bloomed across his skin; nobody had ever said that before. 

Erwin lined himself up with his puckered hole and began to slowly push into him. Levi gripped the sheets, knuckles turning white from his iron grip. Erwin was pressing delicate kisses to his ankle, running his hand along Levi’s tibia. It took a couple tries, but once Erwin was all the way in, he made a face that looked so damn euphoric, so damn lewd, that Levi had to turn away or he was going to bust all over the damn sheets. 

Erwin’s thrusts were slow at first, just pulsating inside Levi’s tight hole, before his pace picked up, a steady thrum. Levi was a hot mess, feeling too exposed and overly seen as Erwin fucked him raw. He didn’t know about Erwin, but it had been awhile for Levi and Goddamn if this hadn’t been the best fuck of his life. Erwin was like a saint, with his perfect body, perfect hair and perfect eyes; eyes that were half-lidded but blissed out as he rammed his cock into Levi. Levi tried to clench his ass, and in moments, Erwin was climaxing inside of him, hips stuttering as he filled Levi with his seed. He stayed inside him for a moment after, both men eyeing each other with uncanny lust. Erwin’s big, warm hand wrapped around Levi’s cock and balls, engulfing both of them at the same time. With a few jerks of his hand, Levi was cumming all over his stomach and pubes, screaming out Erwin’s name.

Satisfied, and completely fucked out, Erwin slipped out of Levi with a quiet plop, and collapsed on top of him. Levi, overstimulated and sticky, brought a small hand up to Erwin’s oblique, and rested it there, desperate for touch. They laid silently together, Erwin crushing him, and both men trying to catch their breath. Levi flinched as the captain brought his fingers to his hole and began to smear his seed along it. He rubbed the remnants together with his middle finger and thumb, pulling it apart and watching the sticky substance separate and slosh. Levi flushed, before closing his eyes, letting Erwin thumb with his hole.

“I will,” Levi told him, after awhile.

Erwin rolled off of him and looked him in the eyes, brushing his bangs out of his face. “Hm?”

“I’ll follow you into hell.”

Erwin’s eyes softened and his lips hovered over Levi’s. “I’ll see you to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is @mountmyboku


End file.
